17 going on 30
by Euley
Summary: On Fred Burkles 17'th birthday she blows out the candles and gets all her memories for the next 13 years to the point where she dies. Now she is on an adventure to London to find Wesley, and to hopefully gather the others because Holtz is back. Fresley
1. Happy 17

June 13, 1991

Dear Journal,

I just turned 17...or well 30. Well I mean I'm 17 but I'm really 30 or well...I-I don't know. I was at my 17'Th birthday party, and then I blew out the candles and boom! I got the next 13 years like stuffed in my head. Pylea, Angel, Cordy, Charles, vampires, demon, or well it's all just really confusing. Like it's all like a dream, and I wow, I mean I died. I know how I die, or well sort of. Cause I'm not sure it's true. God who the hell am I? Winifred Burkle...ok it least I know one thing. Now where am I from? Texas, I'm from Texas. My best friend? Billy-Bob, Ashley, Charles, Angel, Lorne- do they even exist? Hell-heck does any of it exist. I have to find out.

* * *

June 14 1991

Dear Journal,

Ok...they exist...I went to the local bookshop and yeh Angelus is there...vampires, slayers, they all exist. I watch a bunch of kids my age I recognize from school by face and not name and I feel so alone. I mean I was never popular and I don't have THAT many friends. And sure I feel alone sometimes but this...this is insane. I need to see the others. Do they have their memories to? I want to check out some of the books in the library but I can't. The librarian would give me a weird look and probably tell my parents that I have checked out "books from the devil". Problem in living in a small town and spending half your time in the library. The librarian is a personal family friend. Mr. Dixie, sweet old guy but very religious. I was almost in shock when I found out he even had the books. I had to see the others...there was only one thing to do. I have to go to LA.

* * *

June 15, 1991

Dear Journal,

My parent left to go to New Mexico to see my grandparents. So I took daddy's truck and snuck to California. I was terrified, what if I got there and no one had their memory? What if-

Dear Journal,

It's still the 15, I was writing in you in the parking lot of an old shopping mall in LA, when vampires attacked me. I saw Charles. He is so damm young. Like 15, years old! Uuuh wow! But he still was Charles, and was all like "stet wise" using slang, and language I've never even heard of. I was so upset I decided to go see Lorne, so I drove to Caritias, and then realized he was still in Pylea. Damm it...I'm so alone. I'm so alone; Cordy who is the youngest out of all of us is 13! What the hell am I going to do?

* * *

June 16, 1991

Dear Journal,

Damm it! Damm it! Yes I Winifred Burkle wrote damm-it! I had driven back home and my parents had gotten home early and I am grounded. I just told them I needed a drive, and of course they believed me and yet they were mad at me because I had used so much gas. So I! Winfred Burkle is grounded for the first time in her life. My parents are all upset, I'm upset, everyone's upset. What am I going to do?

* * *

June 17, 1991

Dear Journal,

I had a dream...or well sort of a vision...I think. There's a giant clock tower, I saw Holtz, I saw Wesley...he's on the ground...blood seeping from his throat, and then I see him just...younger...on the ground by the clock tower...bleeding to death... then his older version just sorts of fade away. I woke up in a total cold sweat...my head banging...ok...I know from working with AI most of the times dreams mean something. I just have to find out what it means. So I snuck out of my room and into the library. Mr. Dixie always leaves the keys in a special hiding place above the door. So I snuck in, my heart beating so fast I'm afraid I might combust. So I am researching my flashlight. Impressed by Mr. Dixie's intense collection of books on demons. Then suddenly I feel some kind of pressure on my neck. Someone has a knife at my throat oh dear god, I was about to pee my pants when I heard who it was by there voice.

"Step away demon scum."

"Mr. Dixie?" I said to him. He turns me around and looks at me wide eyed.

"Winfred? What the hell are you doing here? At night? And with these books?"

"Mr. Dixie I can expl-"

"Your possessed!" he gasps backing away.

"Mr. Dixie please let me-"

"No! Back away demon!" he yells.

"Mr. Dixie I'm from the future!" I yell. He stops and looks at me funny. "Well sort of...I mean I have my memory of the next 13 years of my life."

"You do?" he asks in disbelief.

"Yes, please Mr. Dixie you have to believe me. I had a dream last night and I have to see if it means anything." I had begged. He merely sighed rubbed his forehead and says something.

"I know" then my eyes nearly fall out of my socket when he says this

"What?"

"Winfred come with me." he told and I followed him. Ok in the back he had a more private collection all about demons. Herbs where here and there, along with other mystical things.

"Your a wizard." I said looking around.

"Yes well yes for a long time. Winfred I'm also a sort of seer. I also know this...one of your friends from the future is in trouble."

"What?" I asked in disbelief.

"What ever that will happen to him will happen in November that's all I know." he sighed sitting in his chair.

"Wesley" I gasped sitting down in a chair robotically.

"Yes, Fred, I highly suggest you get to him before it happens because you could change the future forever if you don't."

June 18, 1991

Dear Journal,

I told ma and dad I was extremely sorry. Lied to them told them it was school. Made this whole giant speech about feeling trapped and confused. Feeling as if I was being held back to my full potential. It was a good 5-minute speech and when I was done I had left them both in tears. So I asked them about my going to a boarding school. They nearly fell over having a seizures and I explained to them some more about my potential. So they agreed, so I applied to all the boarding school I could in England. Now all I have to do is wait.

* * *

June 19, 1991

Dear Journal,

I spent the entire day thinking about Wesley. He has always been there, he has always loved me...I died in his arms...he was so strong...yet I know how much he loved me...I know what happens to him when he loses someone he cares about. I saw it when it happened to Cordy. For 2 whole weeks he was cold, snap at anyone, drinking nonstop. Then I had gotten him out of it. Yet the thing was unlike Cordy, I died in his arms. He had finally gotten me after years of loving me and he lost me. He lost everyone, and he loses everything. God that thing! Illyria! What did it do to him? What did I do to him? God I have to get to him.!


	2. New School

Dear Journal,

It's August, and I think I lost you in the wash somewhere. Thank god I found you, if I write stuff down it makes stuff real. And it least your better then a wall (long story). Ok boarding school HOLY CRAP! (yes I said Holy Crap!) I'm in England and did I say Wow yet? It's like a bunch of house or well LARGE houses together. It basically likes a mini town. I have my own dorm, which is cool, yet that's only temporarily. I got in here on a scholarship cause of my HIGH HIGH test scores on the SAT's. And it was sort of easy, I mean my parents had to pay some, but really it was Mr. Dixie who paid for most of it. (When I say paid I mean like buying the books, plane ticket and ect.) So here I am...by myself again...yet it least now I can hopefully find Wesley before it's to late. But right now I'm too tired from the plane and train ride to do anything.

* * *

August 31, 1991

Dear Journal,

Ok, I honestly don't get the British school system. All the girls call me the "Bloody New American". All of them are rich and I'm positive none of them got in on a scholarship. Great! I'm the only non-snob in my school. I looked in the well "phone book" as us Americans call it. I'm sure British people have a different name for it. I found it, Wyndham Pryce yet it was his home number and address. I knew he went to the watchers academy, where the hell is that? Suddenly someone was looking over my shoulder.

"Miss Burkle what's your next class?" asked the headmistress.

"I uh-uh" I looked at my schedule and my eyes nearly fell from my sockets. "Slayer History."

"Well don't look so dumb-founded girl. Honestly sometimes I think you don't even know this is the girls watchers academy!" she laughed. "But of course Mr. Dixie recommended you and he was head boy in his time and I trust his judgment. Tell me he has been tutoring you."

"Yes he has." I gulped because I hated lying.

"Yes well not get to class."

Oh god oh god oh god, I'm training to be a watcher!"

* * *

September 1, 1991

Dear Journal,

Ok, I'm IN LOVE WITH THIS SCHOOL! I mean I can talk about demons freely; I can talk about anything I have learned from AI. Their library is huge, even though their librarian is weird. He's Irish I know that, dark hair blue eyes, and he looks extremely familiar I don't know why though. I did all my homework already and I find myself spending more and more time in the library reading up on Angelus, and other things as well. Learning more about enemies we have faced, like Holtz especially. But also I looked up all the demons I could remember we faced ready to face them again. But would I face them again? I mean I'm going to the watcher's academy and that's a giant major cosmic change.

September 4, 1991

Dear Journal,

Met my new roommate. Talk about snob major, ok. She has it all the long blond hair, shiny and silky. The nice body, the blue eyes, the long eyelashes. All the friends and the only thing she said to meet when she came into our room.

"So I get the Bloody American New Girl? Oh great!" and with that she flips her hair and leaves probably to go talk to "daddy". RRR! Just great! And as if I don't have enough problems.

* * *

September 8, 1991

Dear Journal,

Ok roomy isn't all that bad at all. Her name is Ashley Cole. Yeh when she's around her friends she's a snob, but when she's just alone she actually quite nice. She told me about her life and how it's all controlled and stuff. I help her with my homework, and she puts a good word for me here and there, and soon I'm not longer the Bloody American, just well the American. Which I know is good. I also thanked any higher powers that there are for sending another new girl. She is Japanese, which is sort of cool cause we would compare and talk about costumes. Did you know that if you blow your nose or show affection or even real giant emotion in Japan it's considered rude? Weird huh? All well, the sugar rush I have had is leaving now and I'm getting pretty tired.

* * *

September 12, 1991

Dear Journal,

Ok well Ashley, Ami (new Japanese friend) and I where challenged to a major dare. See it was Friday and everyone knows that the headmistresses watch the girl's dorms the most on Fridays because they will go into each other's rooms and party. Yet then never except them to leave the dorm. So we were dared to go to the boy's academy next door and hang their underwear by the flag pool. Ok so we may be seniors (it least in the states we would be. Not sure what I am here.) And that may be immature but hey, you only live once. I never really did anything when I was 17, so if I was given a second chance I think I'm going to take it.

* * *

September 13, 1991 (Friday)

Dear Journal,

So we snuck out, sticking pillows under our sheets. Ami was in our dorm so it was easy. Wait for Headmistress to see us lying in bed, nod in approval move on, stick pillows under bed and jump out window. Thank god we're only on the ground floor. So here we are running a good quarter of a mile to the guy's side, passing the giant bush that has always been a wall and we gasp. The guy's academy is a castle. No literally it's a freaken castle. The cool thing is, the tips of it just fade into nothingness cause it's sort of in a valley. SO if you looked straight ahead you'd see nothing. We all gasp, then we all gulp and head downwards towards the castle.

Mary-Lee has a brother who goes there and she told us about the layout. The head boy has his own little personal hut, him along with the other Prefects. So as we head down there I can hear my heart pumping so fast. We creak open the door to see them all fast asleep. Snoring. We all giggle like little girl as we crawl into their room; it's extremely dark, yet there just enough light from the moon that poured through the window to find their draws. We snicker as we take out a pair of boxers that have the British flag designed on them. Giggling like we're 4 we make it out of the hut alive and safe. Now all we had to do was get to the flagpole, which wasn't hard to find because it was right outside their hut. I think there the ones who do the flag every morning. So we took down the British flag, cut holes in the British flagged boxers and put that on there. That along with some underwear, and other undergarments. All 3 of us pull on the rope sending them up into the air.

"God save the queen." said a voice. All 3 of us turned and gulped as we saw a boy coming from the Prefect house.

"Shit" muttered Ashley.

"Names Collins, and you girls might want to come inside before you get in trouble." he winked. None of the girls were stupid, and they'd all rather get in trouble then go in that room with him, and his perverted mind.

"Who's out there?" said a voice. Who ever it was it was really familiar. Yet the voice was older.

"Bloody hell it's Ripper." said Collins.

"Get them!" said a voice inside the hut, and "the ripper" Collin and two other boys started chasing after us. I had no clue any of us could run that fast. We sprinted like madwomen. When we came to our sacred push, we turned right to hide in the woods. Yet one boy had strayed from the rest and saw us go into the woods. Ashley and Ami had disappeared into the darkness, and hadn't seen me trip because they would of stopped if they did. So I ran like fire trying to get away I had to stay here because-wait a minute. I stopped running and the boy tackled me to the ground and pinned my arms above me head and laid on top of me. Both of us were breathing heavily from the run.

"Wesley?" I had said.


	3. London

September 14, 1991

Dear Journal,

Sorry I hadn't finished my entry the headmistress was coming. So here's what happened.

He merely stared at me...oh dear god I loved those eyes, even now 13 years before we even kissed they still make me go weak. So big bright and blue.

"Fred" he whispered confused. He knew me! He knew my name! He had his memory! He-was leaving...wait that's not suppose to happen. He wasn't suppose to get up and leave and walk away. He had merely told the others who were entering the woods. "They doubled back on us! I think they go to the Public school on the other side of our school." he merely stated.

"Wesley that school is miles away." said "The Ripper"

"I know but we all know how much they hate our guys." he lied. "Mr. Giles I think we should call the bobby's." Fred knew that meant call the cops. So she remained in the woods until they were all gone, yet before they left she locked eyes with Wesley from her hiding place. He was wearing blue and white stripped PJ's, and he looked so much younger. His hair was ruffled cause it was a bed-head, no glass's cause he didn't sleep with them, and he had no scars, which I think was really the kicker. He had that whole "innocent child" thing that made me want to hold him so bad. Yet it least I knew where he was...next door. So we had snuck back into the academy and made it just in time for the headmistress to walk by nod in approval and leave us. So I went to bed woke-up at like 5 and I'm writing in you now. So all I have to say is like WOW! What a night.

As I lie here in bed writting in you journal, I realize why I am doing all these crazy things. Why I go and hang underware by the flag pole I understand. I mean that isn't something I would normally do at 17, it's because I realized...your onl 17 once or in well my case twice. And I am not going to waste my 17'th year in in a library. I am going to live, cause I only get to live twice and I am not going to waste it again.

* * *

September 15, 1991

Dear Journal,

I think because of the whole dare incident Ami, Ashley, and I have become actually pretty good friends. Ashley would even sometimes leave her little click to have lunch with us. Sometimes. She would stand up for us when people picked on us, but she still was the most popular girl in school.

Ami and I were in the library constantly together; I still couldn't stop thinking about Wesley though. Why did he just walk away? I know he had to cover for me but I knew he could of done something to just talk to me for a bit longer. Or to it least...look at me a bit longer. But what I don't get it why, is it only us who have there memory? Why not Cordy or Gunn? I just don't understand any of this. I had another dream about him last night by the way to. It was the same as before. It's like watching a split screen. One side I see his older self-lying on the ground bleeding from his neck. Then I see his younger self-fall to the ground bleeding to death...then his older self just sort of fade into nothing. I once more awoke in a cold sweat. Oh dear god, I have to get a hold of him before it's to late.

* * *

September 16, 1991 

Dear Journal,

Ok, mystery of the librarian solved and you're never ever ever ever going to believe this. The librarian was minding his own business in the back putting books away. It was the farthest from the entrance so I could get some privacy reading. Suddenly he dropped his book and hunched over holding his head and hissing in pain.

"Oh my god you ok?"

"There's a boy...in trouble...clock tower...girl she- she." suddenly he sat up. "Uuuh sorry, must of dozed off. Had a nightmare, talk in my sleep."

"Wait a minute...Doyle?" I had merely said. He turned to me wide eyed.

"How do you-"

"Angel...I'm Winfred Burkle...you have your memories to?" Doyle looked at me like a was either a present on Christmas or a bloody ghost. (I said bloody, wow spending way to much time in England)

"You worked with him after I did, didn't you? Oh my god what happened? To Angel I mean. Oh god and what happened to Cordy?" he said panicking. I sat him down next to me on the table and we talked for the rest of the day. He filled me in on everything I missed and I filled him in over he missed. Yet of course there was a giant year and a half that I couldn't give him any answers for. Yet I knew Wesley could. So I just told him, a guy who worked with Angel right after your death and worked with him till the end is next door watt the boy watchers academy.

"What's his name?"

"Wesley Wyndam Pryce." I merely stated.

"Wait? Head-boy? Are you serious? He is the biggest pansy ever!"

"Not when I met him." I said shaking my head.. "You know leading a whole rebel army sort of gets the whole Pansy image out of ones head." He nodded and we started to devise a plan to get to see him.

* * *

September 20, 1991 

Dear Journal,

We got it! In two weeks see there's this giant field trip to the Watchers Council in London. Everyone goes, boys and girls. Of course they never meet. But they go the same day. So Doyle would chaperon on this trip and would help me escape. Ok lovin Doyle! He's hilarious, and everything Cordy and Angel said he was. This guy who when you entered the room could always make you smile. Yet the thing tha terrified me is that in two weeks it would be November. What is London? Big Ben, what big Ben? A giant clock? Who cares? Well Wesley gets his throat slit in my dream by a clock tower. So we'll just avoid it at all cost. Right now what to wear? My uniform duuh! God I'm so nervous, ok is my hair good-wait I'm not leaving for 2 weeks...ok but still hair check? Good."

* * *

November 5, 1991 

Dear Journal,

Here's what happened yesterday.

We went to London, pretty long trip to but nothing that big. I had remained absolutely quite the entire trip. Ok scared? Yes, oh hell yes. I decided to wear my uniform, and a red fuzzy snowcap because it was cold out. I wore no make-up, cause I couldn't figure out how to put it on right because I was to nervous. Ok maybe some cover-up but only because of that zit the size of my home-town state that resided on my forehead. So we came to the clock tower first. It was eerie outside, very cloudy, and most likely going to rain. Raining in London who would of thought? (being sarcastic) So here we are in England. The headmistress tells us we have to all meet here back at 11, it's 9 O'clock right now. So everyone goes off on there own. But the thing is the guys have there own meeting spot on the other side of town. Yet Doyle happens to friends with the one they call "The Ripper" so with the help of Doyle (I got a bus fair) I rode all the way to the other side of town. Ok, maybe they didn't meet on the other side of town, maybe they met 8 blocks away but still, no girl in her school was going to roam that far because all the great shopping malls where right there. Especially with the weather. I got off at "The House of Parliament" which was still in Westminster. A giant group of boys were all looking at an older man, who suddenly I recognized.

"Rupert Giles" I merely muttered then the boys started to scatter. There were quite a few of them, ok maybe like 200 or so, so I couldn't find them. I was careful when I advanced them, yet I suddenly felt someone slap my butt and I heard a snicker a turned around and saw a bunch of boys pointing and laughing at me. Then I felt someone else slap my butt and turned around to see another group. Feeling my face go beat red I continued looking for Wesley. Then I felt someone grab me by the arm.

"Hello love miss me?" it was that perverted Collins guy who invited me and the others in after we hung there underwear by the flagpole,

"Let go of me." I merely cried, yet no one would help. All the guys just snickered and laughed.

"Sorry love can't do that. I think it's because you owe me something." and his hands went under my skirt. Using my free hand I punched him hard in the face. He backed away and looked at me in the shock before backhanding me in the face sending me to the ground. "Now stay still love." he grinned walking over to me, he was about to strike me again, only for some one to come in, block his punch and hit him square in the face and the gut sending him to the ground.

"Back off Collins." said Wesley

"Holy crap! Did Pansy Percy just hit Collins?" someone from the crowd of boys said. He walked over to me and helped me up.

"You ok?" he merely asked. I was honest and shook my head no. "Come on lets get out of here." and with that he held me by my elbow and helped me to get out of the crowd, and I was limping because when I fell I sprained my ankle or something.

He took me onto a bus, and to Big Ben, which I wasn't so worried because in my dream it was night time. Then he showed me something, it was a sort of door, yet one could barely see it. And if one did they'd probably think it was one of those doors that only the staff that showed tourist around the tower could go through. Yet he went in it with ease. Down the stairs we walked, my arm around his neck because of my limp and into what must of been an old abandon subway station. Then he took me into one of the old abandon trains as well. When I entered I understood why he brought me here. He had moved the seats leaving an empty cart, and books where sprawled everywhere, a sleeping bag, notes, and everything that screamed Wesley, including a shotgun that hung on the wall.

"What is this place?" I whispered.

"I get to come to London a lot work for the council as a sort of Intern. When I'm not there I'm here." he merely said and grabbed me by the hips and proppered me up on a side table. I forgotten how much taller he was then me as I watched him walk away to a small fridge that resided right night to me. He opened it and then did something odd. Taking his sleeve he ripped it. I gasped and he looked at me and chuckled as he placed some of the ice cubs in it and made a sort of sack and then placed it on my red face from the slap. I took this as a chance to finally talk to him.

"How long have you had your memory?"

"Since I turned 17."

"Same...that means Cordy and Gunn won't have there memory for a while."

"What about Angel? Did he get his memories when he was 17? Surely if he did he would of been turned and avoided all Gypsy's."

"Yeh but how is that no ones heard from him in the last 100 years? He must have a soul." I replied.

"True" he nodded. His accent was so much more thicker. "So are you going to tell me why you put my undergarments up on the flag pole?"

"Those were your boxers?" I said in disbelief and blushed.

"When I turned 17, I went out and decided to do something extremely British. What did you do when you got your memory back?"

"Went to LA. Charles doesn't have his memory, then I locked myself into a library basically." I replied.

"Yes, well I guess we all have our own ways of panic-"

"I've missed you." I merely said, I couldn't keep it in any longer. He dropped the ice and turned away.

"I've been going research, Uuuh" he sounded really nervous. "I think I might be on to something, I've recently translated a prophecy-"

"Have you missed me?" I merely asked. He merely sighed and ran his fingers through his hair and took off his glass's placing them on another tiny little table that sort of pops out of the walls. His back was still to me.

"Every damm second." he said intensely.

"Then why did you walk away?"

"I don't know." he replied.

"Yeh fine well, what were you saying about a prophecy?" I said yet I couldn't help but make a little sniffle sound, and I was trying so hard not to cry.

"Fred please don-"

"Wesley, we have to work now." I said sniffling once again wiping my eyes before I bawled. So we went to work. We had worked all day, and I told him about my dream he got weird.

"So you saw me, older on the ground my throat slit. It was right after you cam back from Pylea because of my hair?"

"Yeh which is weird cause it never happened. And Yeh, it was long and curly. Plus you didn't wear pansy cloths. So Yeh" I shrugged. Suddenly I stopped and noticing something. I have always been able to read Wesley better then most. His eyes turned to ice...he was hiding something. Then it clicked. "Oh my god...you did get your throat cut...why-how?"

"Fred that doesn't matter. What matters is I must stay away from Big Ben at all cost."

"Yeh, well I guess I should stay away to, cause ya know if I hang around long enough I might actually figure out what you aren't telling me." and I left him clearly mad.

So I went to the Buckingham Palace, went to the watchers council, went to the hotel where we were staying, slept, woke-up and then I decided to write in you. So Yeh Journal, Wesley broke my heart, and has been keeping a secret from me for about 2 years.


	4. Hmmmmmmmmmm

A/N: Thanks for reveiws. I really enjoy writting this story.please keep reveiwing.

* * *

November 6

Dear Journal,

Here's what happened on Sunday

I walk down into the old Subway and into Wesley's cart hoping to find him and thankfully I do. Researching like a mad man. He looks up when he hears something.

"Fred" he says breathlessly. He stood up and walked over to me calmly. Touches my cheek really gently. What else do you expect from Wesley. "Is it ok?"

"I'll be fine." I merely stated and looked at him as if trying to find answers in his eyes.

"I'm sorry for yesterday Fred, I think I should of told you everything from the start."

So, Journal turns out Wesley stole Angel's only son Connor, got his throat slit. Then after I died broke some box thing hopping it would bring back me, got his memory back, and well the last thing he saw was me. My eyes were casted on the ground the entire story and when I look up at him, I see him searching my expression. I look up at him teary-eyed all upset.

"I-I understand if you want to leave." yet I do the exact opposite I lean over and kiss him.

How does one describe kissing Wesley? You can't that's the thing. There's fireworks, nuclear bombs, confetti, explosions, whistles, bells, flowers, trees, sunshine and tons more. He didn't do anything at first yet soon he kissed back and I was devoured by him and his sweet kisses. I couldn't believe it, here I am kissing Wesley, my Wesley. I feel as if I have been away from him for so long. (When technically we haven't even met yet). And trust me when I tell you, I think you don't need physical experience, only mental because did I saw wow yet? I had no thoughts going through my mind as we stood there kissing like we were going to go insane if we didn't. Yet soon I realized I had him up against the wall, and he started to kiss down my neck and uuh wow the only thing through my mind was...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

"Fred" he whispered in my ear, for he was kissing me everywhere. "We have to stop." yet he continued to kiss me after he said it.

"Oh god I know." I replied yet neither showed no signs of stopping any time soon when suddenly a scream was heard. I recognized it. "Ami" I merely said. He looked at me confused for a moment before I said. "My friend." and with that he nodded and I quickly fixed myself to make it look like I didn't just make-out with a hot guy. Or well he was in my book. Yes he was a little bit pale, and skinny yet I know that's just how he was. Knowing Wesley that wimpy ness is going to go away soon. And as we climbed the stairs my thoughts decided that they'd go away now. There was a demon hovering over Ami. Here in broad daylight. I took one glance at Wesley and he merely nodded. I already recognized it. It was a Mero demon. Rare and deadly. He looked at me and merely whispered.

"Get your friend out of here." I merely nodded yet whispered quickly.

"When will I see you again?" he looked at me clearly upset.

"I don't know" he whispered and then ran off, a pistol in his hand. He must of grabbed it before we left. The Mero demon was about to strike Ami once until 2 bullet shots where heard. Everyone turned to see Wesley standing there smoking pistols, hair ruffled, sleeves rolled up on his oxford and top few buttons undone. Oh god he was so damm hot. So I pulled Ami away yet not with getting a glance from Wesley, who looked at me longingly with those eyes of his. Oh god I needed him now! But he was soon swarmed by other academy boys.

So here I am back at school in my dorm writing in you, missing Wesley. Missing Wesley...missing Wesley, oh and did I mention I miss Wesley? Not enough huh? Thought so. Well I better go to bed.

* * *

November 7

Dear Journal,

I feel sick, and I miss Wesley. I wrote to him, I just hope he's ok.

* * *

November 8

Dear Journal,

No response

* * *

November 14

No response from Wesley still, I sent him like 2 letters over past week. Took tests in English, real easy, took test in Demonology, real easy, took a test in Latin...not so easy. Homework.

3 page essay on vampires hunting grounds and why they like them

5 page essay on the importance of not going out after hours. (Headmistress finally caught Ashley, Ami, and I. I don't know who slipped but were in deep crud. 5 page essay about different things (School Safety, Importance of Following the rules, the meaning of being a Watcher, maturity, and probably more.) We have to do one every 2 days!

Math homework

Science homework

* * *

November 15

Dear Journal,

Do you think he's mad at me? Ami asks me why I have been so intent on checking the mail every day. I tell her I met a boy at the field trip weekend. She shakes her head and buys me pudding, paints my toe-nails, and we stay in sweats. Maybe I was wrong about Wesley...maybe he just thought I was some 17 year old fling and leave me. Maybe he doesn't know the meaning of the word commitment until he's older.

* * *

November 17

Dear Journal,

I'm so over Wesley, so so so so over. After two days of mopping I'm so over it. In fact I'm am passed him, over him, he is just a memory he's...oh screw it. I'm going out to buy myself some chocolate.

* * *

November 25,

Dear Journal,

Schools easy and Ami has officially become my best friend. She is an ex-pot smoke like me. (after gaining all the information on what pot does to ones body at Wolfram and Hart how could I not stop?) and also a science nerd like me. things are good, I'm good, I'm over Wesley. Really I am this time. I'm over him, he just seems like a dream.

* * *

December 1

Dear Journal,

According to Doyle no one has gone to the hospital at the boy's academy so now it's official I'm over Wes. I mean it's been a tiny little bit under 30 days since I last saw him. So I'm ok, life is good. Well ok maybe not perfect because I still have this empty feeling at the bottom of my heart.


	5. Kisses and Holidays

December 15

Dear Journal,

I was in London shopping with Ami and I saw this really really cute dress for the School's formal. My plan is to get a dress, then dance with all these other guys and make Wes-no I promised no more thinking about him. Yet that didn't last long because I was in the shop and came out trying on my dress. It's strapless and has a slit up to my Ami merely laughed and told me I would turn quite a few heads. It was true I did feel hot, yet I also felt a bit slutty so I looked around for another dress, which I found. (Wow I look good in it.) So then I am eating at this tiny small cafe with Ami. She said to me.

"I was thinking of buying that red dress, I mean you looked as you Americans would say "One hot mama." Ami was very informed on the ways of us Americans.

"I believe terms Americans use more is Sexy, but that's just what I heard." said a familiar voice. I turned around. He stood there wearing a white oxford with blue vertical stripes. The sleeves rolled up, a dog tag around his neck. His hair spiked up in the front, and he had quite beefed up which I knew he would do because he no longer had to hide he could work out freely, and be more of himself. Sure he wasn't a beast or anything yet he defiantly wasn't a wimp anymore.

"We didn't ask your opinion," said Ami to the mysterious boy who had just jumped into the conversation probably with a perverted mind in her book.

"No Ami it's ok." I said as I turned to Wesley.

"Can we talk?" he asked nervously.

"I don't know I'm sort of here with a friend." I said sweetly and casually.

"Oh yeh well uuh ok." he said obviously nervous.

"Yeh, seya around." I told him really sweetly. Once he left me and Ami fell into a fit of giggles, I totally just brushed off a guy.

Yet for some odd reason I found myself going down to the old subway station later that afternoon. Oh god why the hell am I here? I kept on repeating that to myself as I kept on taking steps towards the old abandon subway cart. As I cam in I heard grunts and punches coming from another cart, behind the one that held all his books and sleeping cot. I walked to the other cart to see him punching a punching bag. Obviously letting out lots of anger and frustration. It came to the point where I saw blood start to appear on the bag.

"Stupid." he muttered.

"You never wrote." I merely said standing in the doorway. He turned to me. Thankfully he didn't see me blush, because he had a 4 pack.

"What?" he asked in disbelief. "I've written you every day since last month." he looked at me desperately trying to get me to believe me. "But I stopped a week ago."

"Why?" I asked him.

"My father." he mumbled. "He must also be the reason why you didn't get my mail, that bastard I-I." he merely made a fist yet then looked at it in shock. I could read him like I always could. His father gets him so pissed off, but then he remember when he killed him so he is all like deadly silent.

"Your not him Wesley." I muttered.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." I walk over to him calmly, wearing jeans and a white turtleneck. The sleeves are a little long, yet it's perfect everywhere else and I can see that as I walk over to him calmly and how he blushes. Guy probably does have the same mind as a 17-year-old boy. Yet Wesley was a gentleman, one of the reasons I still care for him.

"I know you better then anyone Wesley." I whisper. He looks at me wide-eye. Those baby blue eyes that made him look so much younger when he was older. Just like they do now. "And I know you are not you father. Now why won't he let you-"

"Because your an American, poor, and I-I-"

"Yes?" I whispered. He turns his back on me. (Good think he can't seem me cause if he knew where I looked when he turned around he would of turned a shade of maroon.)

"Winifred (oh god he said my full name. That's pretty hot to.) I'm bethroned to someone else."

Ok all the hot factors about Wesley are thrown out the freaking window.

"I'm sorry?" I asked in disbelief.

"I am bethroned to another girl...in the future, her family decides to change it at the last minute because I was to wussy and now-"

"You obviously aren't a wuss anymore." I whisper.

"Yeh." he whispered back as I got closer to him.

"And my parents would never approve of me dating you. I'm not "bethroned" but they always talk about me marrying this boy who lives next door, but I'm sort of sucked into an alternate dimension before that happens." and I continued to get closer.

"Yeh" he whispers once more.

"Wesley this is so wrong." I whispered.

"Then why does it feel so right?" he whispered back and we kiss once more.

Oh god, oh god, he kissed down my neck and it was just so hot! I really wanted more of him; in fact I wanted all of him. He had me up against the wall this time.

"Fred" he whispered into my ear while kissing me and tugging on my earlobe. "We" kiss "have to kiss stop."

"Yeh I know." I am so panting. He suddenly leaves me and jumps back to the other side of the cart. We both look at each other panting, both wanting so much damm more.

"T-that was."

"Intense? Hot?"

"Addicting." he grinned. I then sighed deeply and sat upon the matted ground. He walked over to me and sat at my side. "What is it?"

"What are we going to do? No ones going to let us be together."

"Don't worry we'll find a way." he replied wrapping an arm around my shoulder and kissing my forehead.

"God the girls, are not going to believe this." I chuckled. "They had been seriously mopping with me for the last 30 days."

"Girls?"

"Ami, and Ashley Baker." suddenly Wesley's chest which my head was resting on stopping moving, meaning he had stopped breathing.

"Wesley what is it?"

"I'm bethroned to Ashley Baker." I look up at him confused and hurt. I give him a peck and he looks at me confused. I gave him another kiss but it was light. Then I kiss him and he doesn't hold back. God he was so damm gorgeous. Next thing I knew we were making out again.

I missed my curfew to be back at the hotel where all the girls were staying. I had stayed out late with Wesley. We didn't stay in the cart and make-out. No, you see this is Wesley. He just used a baseball cap, and I used a busboy hat and I wore sunglasses and no one recognized any of us. So we went out to dinner, a nice Chinese Restraints. The one we never went to because I got sick. He held my hand, and we played footsie under the table. We talked about movies, and stuff. We were a regular 17-year-old couple. No parents to retract us from each other, no demons trying to kill us, and no prophecy saying we have an undying doom. He walked me all the way back to the hotel. Held my hand and we laughed and joked. About old times, and what we want to be when we grow up besides watchers. (Turns out he always wanted to be a reporter weird huh? Cause so does I! Weird weird and how does one say, weird?) I would never trade that night for anything. We did one last long passionate kiss before I climbed the fire escapes back up to my room and got into bed just as headmistresses passed us to make sure we were in bed.

* * *

December 16

Dear Journal,

I spent the entire day with Wesley. We went to this small coffee shop and ate breakfast together. Ok, we were wearing jeans, that dog tag again, and this plain old navy blue sweater that was a v-neck and he rolled up his sleeves. Oh god talks about hormones, after breakfast we made out. Then we went to a movie, then to the park, then he showed me around London, then lunch, made-out, more of London, dinner and then came the best part of the day. He took me the Tower Bridge, and it was all isolated, and on the walk way we looked down into the river of Thames.

"Wow" I merely said. "Long Way down." I was leaning over the edge slightly.

"Yes," he gulped.

"Your afraid of heights?"

"Slightly yes." he said obviously going nowhere near the edge.

"Come on." I said giving him a small smile and I spoke softly. Taking his hand I pulled him near the edge. He held onto my hand tightly and kept his eyes closed. "Come on you baby open them." I giggled. He opened them and gasped and shut them immediately.

"Winifred Burkle, I have no clue how you make me do these things." he said his eyes completely closed.

"I dunno, guess it's my power." I giggled, and Wesley immediately opened his eyes and looked at me. It was then I realized what I had said.

"Your power was not to let Illyria take you."

"Yeh, well all well. Hey Wes check out th-"

"Fred, we haven't talked about you...dying since we've been together."

"Well neither have you." I said defensively.

"I got caught open, and died in the evil bitch that took over your body. Not that complicated...unlike you."

"Wes, could we not talk ab-"

"We have to Fred." he merely said to me, and my back was to him. I swirled around and looked at him dead in the eye. "I was terrified ok?" He merely looks at me gently, and cups my cheek and wipes away a tear with his thumb because I am about to cry. "Wesley I was so scared! To have my life slowly taken from me. Do have any idea what that's like?"

He looks at me dead in the eye and says, "The moment you died Fred, I started to die to. Except unlike you, I didn't have a death to look forward to. Just an ongoing, unfulfilling life."

"Oh Wesley" I whispered before he captures my mouth and we start kissing again.

"Fred I want to show you something's." and he takes off his dog chain. Turns out it's a locket. I open it and my eyes nearly fall from my socket. One side it's a picture of us. It was the day Cordliea came back. Cordy is on Wes's back laughing and everyone's smiling, and laughing. Spike was in the picture doing bunny ears to Angel. Harmony wasn't in it thankfully. And in the picture Wesley in the corner of his eye is looking at me. Then on the other side there's a picture of us on our first date he had taken.

"W-w-hat? W-where? W-"

"I found it in the middle of the street one day. I think it's all predestined or something. Like I was meant to have it. I'm not sure." I close the lock it and place it around his neck. By grabbing each side of the dog tag and placing it around his neck and clip it together but meanwhile I have start to kiss him once more. That night was the night that I had really found my Wesley again.

* * *

December 22, 1991

Dear Journal,

I'm going home for the Holidays, thanks to Mr. Dixie's donation. And hehehhehehe guess who I'm bringing with me? Yep! Wesley! Hehehehhe, he lied to his parents telling them he needs to stay for the holidays to do some extra credit work. Their parents totally go for it. So here I am in a plan with lalalalala Wesley! He's holding my hand totally scared about the whole height thing. It's adorable! So we get off at the airport in Texas and Mom and Dad are there and they're all happy when they see me, yet when they see a boy following me, and holding my hand they immediately lose there smiles. I run over and hug them tightly, I really did miss them.

"Fred hunny welcome home! Now who's this?" asked her mother looking at Wesley up and down almost as in expecting him.

"Mamma, Dad meet Wesley Wyndam Pryce my boyfriend." I say proudly. My father looks as if he's about to kill while my mother looks as if she's about to cry.

"I've heard a lot about you." he says calmly shaking my dad's hand. My dad grips his hand firmly, and I could read Wesley's face, unlike anyone other. My father wants to rip his hand off. Yet he says nothing and shows no sign of weakness.

"Fred sweetie you didn't tell us you had a boyfriend."

"Well, he's sort of a new one."

"How long have you been going out?" asked Roger?

"About a month." says Wesley calmly.

"Fred you never mention him in the letters you sent us." Said Mama.

"Ma! Come on, let's go home." I smile and take Wesley by the hand who looks unsure about coming here was such a great idea but I pull him along anyways.

* * *

December 23, 1991

Dear Journal,

Thank god mama and dad visit me in the future. So Wesley knows what they like gaining him the advantage. So he knows their simple, and good people. We come home and sitting in the living room and there's all this tension.

"So where did you guys meet?" asked Mama. In a hell dimension, he was leading a rebel army to save my life. Even though it's not supposed to happen for years.

"In a coffee shop."

"A coffee shop?" asked Roger skeptically.

"Yes, well your daughter here ordered the last-"

"Cup of hot chocolate." I smiled. If they freak out this much over a boyfriend I'd hate to tell them I'm drinking coffee.

"Yes, well she accidentally spills it all over me." he said calmly. "And we started talking."

"So you guys are pretty serious?" asked Trish just as skeptical as her husband.

"Ma!" I said in annoyance.

"Well I was just wondering." she said defensively.

"Uuuh yes well it's getting late maybe we should all to bed," said Wesley calmly

"Yeh, to bed...in separate rooms...alone... away from each other..." said Roger.

"We're the first room by the stairs."

"So we hear anyone going down them." Roger said completing his wife's thought.

"Or going up them." and my mother who looked square at Wesley.

"And Wesley is sleeping on the couch." Roger continued.

"So lets just say Fred comes down for a midnight snack."

"Hunny we'd know." Roger replied grimly. I could see Wesley gulp. My parents we way over protective.

"Ok well good thing I won't be hungry." I told them and we went off to bed. I was really nervous because ma and I left daddy and Wes alone.

* * *

December 24, 1991 (1:20 AM)

Dear Journal,

I met Wesley in the barn at Midnight. To bad I don't need the stairs just the tree that's outside my window. I had slipped him the note, knowing my parents would do this. When he was unpacking for his PJ's he must of found it.

We met outside in the barn, he was there first and I ran over and wrapped my arms around his neck and we started kissing. Phheewww let me tell you, his kiss's, not getting any less explosive. Once we stopped for a moment he held my hand and we sat up in the loft of the barn looking at the clear sky.

"Your fathers very-"

"To other boys the scariest person alive." I grinned looking up at him.

"I was going to say interesting."

"What did he say to you?"

"One he doesn't like me, two that if I hurt you he'll come and kill me, and three they haven't seen you this happy in a while." he grinned as he came to "three". I squealed and wrapped my arms around his neck again and we started kissing again. Hmmm god he taste good. Then he stops all of a sudden and gets serious. "Winifred...eventually we're going to have to stop fooling around and figure out what's going on," he whispered. Fooling around? This is fooling around? Sure maybe making out is fooling around, but he meant the whole relationship, so I tell him exactly what I was thinking.

"Fooling around? This is fooling around to you?" I tell him clearly upset. He looks at me all desperately with those delicious baby blue eyes of his.

"Fred, I didn't mean it like that." he said not wanting to hurt me yet it was so late. It did hurt. I start to walk away but he grabs my arm. "Fred, please don't leave me." he whispers. I then look at him shocked, he was so desperate. "Please don't leave me again." I gasped, oh god, I had forgotten one big factor. Illyria...Illyria was there...hurting him... reminding him constantly of the love he lost.

"Oh Wesley I'm sorry." I say breathlessly before kissing him again.

"Y-you have no c-clue how much it hurt when you l-left."

"Shhh baby I'm here now." I whispered and kissed him softly all over his face, kissing away the tears. When I back away I cup his cheek. "I won't leave you I promise." and with that he holds me tightly. We snuggled and eventually have to separate, to go to bed. Yet I won't forget that I'm not the only one who needs the other. Wesley needs me just as much as I need him. I will not forget it. Just like what Wesley said was true. We can't stop acting like it isn't going to happen. Something big is coming...and if we don't start buckling down who knows what's going to happen.


	6. Sweet nothings and Roses

December 24

Dear Journal,

Wooowww talking about a Christmas Eve. Every year we have a party, see at my place. Wesley had stayed out of sight the entire time hiding in the barn. Which I told him was a good idea because if my parents reacted that way about him how do you think my aunts, uncles, and neighbors act. It was fun, cherry pie, turkey, food, presents, and fun. So here I was going to the barn, when I felt an arm grab me.

"Billy-bob" , was an old neighbor. He and I were best friends as kids. He had left to go to Medical School in New York because he was two years older then me, but my parents didn't bethrone but I know there would be nothing that would make them more happy.

"Hey Winnie how's it goin?" wow...he changed. A lot more intense. A lot more...scary...New York City must do that to people.

"Uuuh good, uuh Billy-Bob your sort of hurting me." I said gesturing to his tight grip on my arm.

"Sort of the point Winnie." he grinned and threw me p against the wall of barn.

"HELP ME!" I screamed yet no one came.

"Newsflash Winnie, the party's to loud for anyone to hear you." he grinned and then his hand grabbed me on my chest and I screamed once more as he ripped off my shirt and then his hand went under my skirt. I felt tears coming down my face.

"Hey!" it was my father thank god.

"STAY BACK!" yelled Billy-Bob and he pointed a knife at my dad. He stopped and put his hands in the air.

"Let her go, now see here Billy-bob I know you don't wanna do this."

"Roger what's going on-" yet my mother stopped, and one by one everyone had come outside to watch.

"Now were where we Winnie?" he turns to me. I scream once more and then I realize something. I could take this guy, I wasn't a totally weakingly. Stomping him in the foot he groaned and loosened his grip long enough and I punched him the face. He backs away and raises his knife, I quinch only to see Wesley come in and bloc his attack and punch him sending him to the ground. Knocking unconscious. I quickly run into his Arms and he holds me tightly. He kiss's my forehead and holds me tightly as I cry in his arms. Everyone watches in shock as I cry in his arms.

"It's ok sweetie, I'm right here." he whispered to me. Everyone just watches in shock.

"Uuuh Fred." says Uncle Larry.

So we all go back inside, I go change, and Wesley is like interrogated by my family. Yet him saving me really gives him an up in their book. So then we continue the party, and it's even better cause Wesley is actually there. So then I exchange gifts with my aunts and uncles. And Wesley had gone all out for Christmas, and had gotten 20 little British flag necklaces. They were real metal, and maybe about 4 dollars each I think he told me. Yet then again his family is loaded. We kiss under the mistletoe and get a lot of "oooooohhhs" and then we stop and look at everyone and then he winks and kisses me passionately and he gets claps and whistles. It was really fun.

* * *

December 25,

Dear Journal,

I got up and ran downstairs with my mother to see Wesley, and my dad laughing and joking. The two most important men in my life.

"Good morning sweetie." they both said at the same time. It was hilarious cause they turned to each other and had this look on their face. I fell on the couch in between them laughing hysterically.

So we all exchange gifts. I gave my mom a cookbook, and my dad a "Best of Bob Hope" on cases. And then Wesley and me exchanged gifts last. He gave me a silver locket. I try to open it but he grins. Taking off his dog tag, a tiny itsy bitsy key extracts from it like you would a pocketknife and places it inside the tiny isty bits little lock.

"I have the key to your heart," he whispers in my ear. I am smiling from ear to ear and I open it to see the same pictures that are in his dog tag. One of the pictures is one of us on our first date. And when I say our first date I mean in 2004, as in right after Angel was a puppet. Then the other picture was all of us when Cordeli was "awake". The entire gang. I look up at him dead in the eye.

"This means a lot to me Wesley." I had said to him. He smiles and pecks me on the cheek.

"Fred? Honey watcha get?"

"A locket aint it pretty?" I smile. They smile, at the solid silver locket happy he isn't cheap. (More points for Wesley) God he's so hot in his ruffled hair, bright eyes, and aaahhh...gorgeous Wesley. Then I take out his gift. It's wrapped in cloth. He undoes the bow and carefully unwraps my gift. He gasps as he hands run over my gift I gave him. It's a leather book, old, love poems, and Shakespeare. He opens flips through it with those wonderful hands of his. (Hmmmm Wesley) and looks up at me.

"It's wonderful." and leans in and kisses me lightly on the lips. I see mama and dad looking at each other. I know what there thinking.

"So much like us when we were there age" and then my mother merely said.

"Look at you two! All lovely dovey."

"There just a mini us Trish." said my father. (I KNEW THEY'D SAY IT!). I merely blush and giggle.

"Daddy!"

"Now it's getting late we still have mass to go-oh Wesley, I'm sorry-"

"No it's ok. I go to church every Sunday.

Ooh Wesley has total approval. Not only did he protect me, has the approval of everyone else in the family, he isn't cheap but he goes to church every Sunday. Oh Yeh, I see the wheels in my daddy's head turning as he is totally approving Wesley.

We are coming home from Church, me and Wesley holding hands, and he's whispering sweet nothing in my ears.

"Your gorgeous you know that right?" he whispered to me. I giggle.

"Wesley" I say, in an audible tone while he is just whispering.

"Every time I see you I want to kiss you." he whispered grinning. God he was such a flirt.

"Wesley stops it." I giggle.

"Hmm you smell so good." and I merely continue to giggle.

* * *

December 30, 1991

Dear Journal,

Though my parents approve doesn't exactly mean they like him. They have put him to such hard work on the farm. Thankfully Wesley family owns a Ranch that they send him to work on in the summer when he was younger. So Wesley shows them up every time. It's great! I'm going to this party, with a bunch of friends from my school and bringing Wesley. I get to show him off to all my friends. Woohooo!

* * *

December 31, 1991

Dear Journal,

RRR! WE ARE SO OVER! I MEAN OVER AS IN OVER OVER AND OVER! I AM NEVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN!

* * *

January 1, 1992

Dear Journal,

Ok look sorry I was just so mad yesterday. He says why do we have to go out. And then I'm like why are you yelling? And we got into this whole fight about me not being satisfying with me just staying home with him. But newsflash Wes that's all we've been doing! So I go to the party by myself. Ready to kiss another boy at midnight, yet as they start counting down here what happened?

10

I am facing Derek ready to kiss him

9

I see Wesley coming from the back

8

I see a red rose in his hands, wearing a black oxford, and black pance. God he looks gorgeous

7

I run over to him leaving Derek dumbstruck

6

He walks over to me calmly.

5

He takes the rose and traces it along from my forehead to my nose

4

Moves the rose down to my lips

3

I take the rose and smell it

2

He smiles weakly

1

I smile back

0

We kiss like we we're going to die if we don't.

Afterwards I wrap my arms around his neck and we lean our foreheads against each other.

"I'm sorry Fred...it's just...I'm not suppose to be like this. And it scares me."

"What do you mean?"

"Like this isn't what really happened...we never really meat in high school," he said looking down at the ground. "But I'm glad we did." he says looking up at me. "It's just I'm scared. I'm not used to this." he whispered.

"Used to what?"

"Being a teenager and..."

"and?" I ask arching a brow. "Being loved."

"Hey it's ok." I smile. "We were both sort of nerds back in high school." He looks around at the people dancing.

"Huh...from what we're doing now guess we are.," he said looking around.

"What are we doing?"

"Not dancing." he grins. I have a giant bright smile on my face. So we danced.

Ok, I used to dance ballie when I was a kid. But I've never danced like this. At first we were both pretty unsure of ourselves yet it went away really soon because we got the hang on it. It was so much fun! I mean, I was there with my boyfriend (my gorgeous boyfriend who loved to touch me every chance he got when we danced. Yet I knew we were both relived when it turned to slow music and we both knew how to do that. We swayed to the music. How could I ever be mad at him? Well we are heading back to England...and we're going to be separated again. tear, tear so sad. And once we go back to England it means "hello reality" and it also means "hello no more "fooling around" and finding out why we're here."


	7. LIFE

January 17

Dear Journal,

So here's what happened last two weeks. Wesley and I get to airport and have the worst goodbye, cause his parents were there and so was Ashley and Ami so we had to act like we just bumped into each other.

"Wesley!" smiled Ashley. "Wow you looking..uuh...ummm...uuuh...wow."

"It's good to see you to Ashley." he says nervously.

"Hey we missed you at the annual Christmas party. I thought you were at the academy."

"I was I'm just here picking up a friend." he replies nervously.

"Oh ok, well I guess I'll see you around." she smiles and takes me by the hand and giggles as she pulls away. I can see it now the "Welcome back to your complicated life Fred"

* * *

January 20

Dear Journal,

School is sooo easy. Doyle is my contact between Wesley and I. See Wesley would send Ashley a letter (it's titled to Ashley) then Doyle would take it and give it to me in the library next day. God he's so romantic. He talks about what we're going to do this summer. But he also sent me a 2 page letters on ideas and theories he has. He also says he in search for Angel, but he's positive he stays in the states, and never comes back to England so we're still in research mode. Doyle and I have become like really good friends, and I'll have breakfast with him every morning (see I'm a farm girl, it's in my blood unlike Ami and Ashley to get up at dawn.) So ok life isn't complicate in fact it's actually pretty good.

* * *

February 5, 1992

Dear Journal,

LIFE SUCKS! Wesley is being forced to go on a date with Ashley!

* * *

February 6, 1992

LIFE ROCKS! Ashley hated Wesley; Wesley was porously a horrible date

* * *

February 7, 1992

GOD I HATE MY LIFE! Get this! Their parents, as in Ashley and Wesley's parents took their "date" as a sign that they could get married now. So there engaged for early this fall!

* * *

February 10, 1992

Ok, life does suck, but it has it's up. Wesley wants to meet me on February 13, which is a Friday. (I'm skipping class for him) then wants me to spend the entire weekend with him. I am not going to refuse... especially if this could be our last weekend together.


	8. Valentine Weekend

A/n: This chapter is definiatly PG-13, and Wesley in this chapter is a love-sick puppy. But who doesn't love a love-sick puppy? Planning on making a sequal to this called "Watchers Jounrals" same story line, and way of writting just from Wes's POV and his adventures that take place after this story.

* * *

Febuary 13, 1992

Dear Journal,

Doyle gave me a lift half way to London where Wesley was waiting. A messenger backpack, a blazer, jeans, and a white short sleeve t-shirt. I get out of Doyle's car and run over to him. We decided to meet outside a library. (Who would of ever thought! being sarcastic) I hug him and he swings me around.

"I've missed you." I say to him. He looks at me and just kisses me. I hear Doyle's car drive off.

He takes me to his car holding my hand the entire time. I whistle when I see a red convertible. Old fashion to.

"WOW!" I scream. He laughs and tells me, his father's gift to him for being head boy, prefect, and top of his class this year for Christmas. Then he shrugs and says "a car dealer owed him a favor, he did something for him a long time ago. Decided to take advantage of it and get me a car," he explained as I got in. I smile as I got in it and we start driving off into the early morning rising sun.

Well Hampshire is right by the English Channel, and he takes me out on this Ferry early in the morning. He is wearing a baseball cap and I'm wearing a busboy cap. He takes me to "The Isle of Wright" Where merely hold each other tightly the entire time not wanting to let go. Then he takes the car out to Bembridge, the islands resort, not packed that much because it's February way to cold to go swimming. Yet we didn't mind because we were just clinging on each other the entire time. He looks down at me when we get to Bembrige, because we haven't said a word all morning

"Hey" he says to me warmly.

"Hey" I merely say to him before we kiss quickly as we go on a walk on the beach.

We talk for 8 hours...I know that may seem impossible but it isn't. I mean it to. Like we talked about everything, movies, future movies, past movies, and we talked about books, each other, our plans, how many kids we want, what we want to name them, things we want to do different and just so much more. Yet sometimes we wouldn't even talk we would just holds hands, or splash around in the freezing water. Yet by the time we get back to the car parked out in to the secluded beach it's nighttime and it's freezing. He takes out of the trunk of his car a capsule, which contains coffee, and a picnic basket. Oh god, I can feel myself falling for him all over again. So we sit out on the beach and have a small picnic (consisting of hot coffee and eat cookies.) and then he holds me tightly. We both knew it. Its time for our dream to end. It least...by the end of this weekend. He kisses my on the neck and I was all like major Jell-O. Major Jell-O because it was a kind of kiss that makes you gets all tingling, and warm, and made your cheeks turn all red. I had forgotten in the month we had been apart what his kisses did to me. I turn to him and look at him, and he is just looking at my lips like he had never wanted anything more.

"Fred?" he whispers looking at me in the eye now. Is that a tear starting to swell up? "Fred I-I think-Fred...I love you." We kiss, and wow...uuuuhh...uuuhhh... Next thing I know I am waking up in a classy hotel and Wesley is well...lying next to me. Dear god what have I don?

* * *

February 14, 1992 

Dear Journal,

When I woke up and while Wesley slept I wrote in you. I just marked it yesterday because it all happened yesterday. Anyways it's 11:53 and this is what happened today.

I woke up, freaking out for a second yet then start to remember what had happened last night. He is all-romantic about it, about doing it "right". Lets just say it consisted of roses, candles, and well his hands...hehehehe. Also lets just say I was satisfied. VERY satisfied. Ok, well NC-17 and guttery thoughts. I know I promised mamma and dad I would do it when I was married but, right now, I can't see myself with anyone bust Wesley. I am going to have a large white gown. Wesley's best man is going to be Charles. Cordy will be my braid of honor. Then I'll have him ask me to marry him with my grand-wait a minute. He's getting married. My heart breaks into a thousand pieces...and I felt tears start to well up. Almost as if we are connected (which in some sense I am sure we are.) he wakes up and holds me.

"Oh sweetie I'm so sorry. I never wanted it to make-"

"No Wesley its just...we can't be together after this." I whisper. Then his eyes open wide.

"Run away with me."

"W-what?" I asked him in disbelief.

"Fred, we're doing all these crazy thing's we'd never do at 17 because we both know realize your 17 once and you shouldn't let it go. So come with me. We'll run away to Italy, no one will find us there! Or France. Come on love please." I look at him warmly.

"Wesley?" I whisper holding his face between my hands. He looks up from the ground. "I love you to." he looks up and smiles and starts kissing me again. This time we fall back asleep, nothing happens though but we just stay in each other's arms.


	9. Growing Up?

**Author Note**: Speacial thanks to Kiana Ravens a very good personal friend, a great writter (I spelt it right!), and a great betaer for I am grammicaly challenged. (not sure if thats a word.)

* * *

February 14, 1992

Dear Journal,

Ok so my romantic boyfriend rocks! So we wake up and get dressed. He was wearing sort of semi-baggy khakis, and a sort of grayish-bluish turtleneck. But god he looked so hot in it. He smelt like Wesley, which I have no clue what it is. But it's his cologne, musty books, and ooh just that smell...that is Wesley. I wear jeans, (not to tight, but it wasn't baggy. ) and a loose white sweater, with a white tank top underneath, with matching white flip flops. Once we were dressed (and I was done staring at him) we went to the empty, deserted boardwalk. Then we walked and he whispered sweet nothings in my ear.

"Hmm you smell great." I just can't stop giggle.

"I love you," he whispered. I can't stop giggling.

"I wuv you," he flirts sounding like a mother talking to a baby would.

"Wesley," I giggle because he is tickling my ear.

"I wuv you." He grins away and kisses my ear. "I wuv you," he kisses my cheek. "I wuv you-" kisses my other cheek, "-and I wuv you," he says leaning in to kiss my cheek again but I catch him with my mouth. He pulls away, and he has that spark, that glow, that warm feeling again. Like he had when he first met me. That warm aura that makes you feel safe. He wraps his arms around my waist and walks behind me. He kisses me from behind and, hmmm, Wesley. So we walk on the beach in the morning and he wraps his arms around me the entire time. It feels so natural to be with him. I can't even explain it. So here I am with my boyfriend and...yeh...there's nothing more to say because after tomorrow it won't matter. Yet I am going to live in the now. Ok so, here's what happened the rest of today. We're walking along the beach, we drive into town, go eat lunch, go to the arcade which is funny cause I was playing ping pong and he came up behind me and covered my tiny hands with his big once and played the game. Yet I wasn't really paying attention to the game. I was more focused on the hottie behind me. Then we went swimming in the heated pool at the hotel. He kept on pulling me under and kissing me. Hmmmm… god I love him. So much! Then we went back to our room and we lit the fire and I lied on his chest as he read "Little Princess" to me, except unlike last time it was a much happier note. He would whisper in my ear and play with my hair. Aaahhh, wonderful. We stayed up late talking and making-out. Then we ended our perfect day with well you know...hehehehehehe.

* * *

February 15, 1992

Dear Journal,

Our last day together we went dancing, kissed, went for walks on the beach, horse back riding, and so much more. We lived as if it were our last day to live, which it might as well have been.

"Fred?" he asked me as we lay on the beach sipping on cherry coke, and eating cake. He had us both wrapped up in a blanket to keep us warm.

"Hmmm?" I was comfy.

"You never answered my question."

"What question?" I asked him.

"Do you run away with me?" he whispered. I never did answer him. I merely looked up at him and kissed him and he knew that was a no. I had a life, a family, and I would see him eventually back in LA...right? We drove back to London and once more we had to return to reality.

* * *

March, 2 1992

Dear Journal,

Sorry, I lost you again. Ok so here's what happened the last month. Ashley is going on and on about how Wesley sucks and how she has to marry this total asshole. But according to her parents, he can protect her against forces of darkness, he is smart, and from a well-bred family. I would do anything to be with him. Doyle and I have become the best of friends. He is really funny, and he tells me he hasn't gotten a vision since the one with Wesley. What I don't get is, why hasn't it happened? Mr. Dixie said it would happen in November, so maybe we did avert it. At least I know he'll live. I miss him so much. But in others news…

Ami is officially best friend. See, after Valentines Weekend, I came back to my dorm, my make-up running 'cause I was crying, and my hair was a mess, and I had bags under my eyes cause the night before Wesley and I had stayed up all night just talking. She merely gave me a sympathetic look and gave me a hug. She went out bought me more chocolate then I would ever need, Kleenexes, tea, hot chocolate, and other items that a girl who's in some state of anguish would need. My classes are still pretty easy. And I'm taking Martial Arts this semester, which is good. I mean I know basic street fighting yet not REAL martial arts, like Angel. I know, Charles fighting.

* * *

March 10, 1992

Dear Journal,

Classes are easy, taking exams, things are actually starting to look up. I write to my parents every day, I talk to Doyle every day, Ami and I have become inseparable, and yeh. Doyle, who turns out isn't the librarian but actually his assistant, is taking Martial Arts with me. He never told me he was a student. He just told me he has to work here to pay his tuition. He came here in hope of one day becoming a Watcher for Buffy or Faith so he can meet Angel in Sunnydale. I told him it was a good plan except Giles and We-that name I shall not write or speak, were their watchers and they need to be their watchers in order for things to happen.

* * *

March 20 1992

Dear Journal,

May I say things just got officially weird today? I saw Holtz, or, well, at least… I had dozed off in Advanced Calculus, because it's so easy. I already need to know everything I need to know in it. It was the same dream I had before, what is going on? Is Wesley still going to die? I talk to Doyle and he says it's just a nightmare. He's the one with the visions. I hope he's right.

* * *

April 1 1992

Dear Journal,

Pulled pranks today. I loooove the first years. They're wonderful! We scare them, telling them there's a vampire in the school, and they run and are, like, about to pee their pants! It was wonderful! Hehehehehehehe! You're only 17 once right?

* * *

April 13, 1992

Dear Journal,

I saw Spike...ok I saw Spike. As in my Spike. I was in London with Ami we were walking home to the hotel when he jumped up from behind us.

"William the Bloody!" screamed Ami. Yet he was staring right at me.

"Get out of here hurry! Move!" and with that Ami and I ran like little girls, yet I should have stayed. He knew who I was. God this is weird.

* * *

April 20 1992

Dear Journal,

I went to all the worst part in London and YEEHHH! I found Spike. As in my Spike. He was drinking a cup of blood at a bar.

"Fred?" he merely said without turning around. He must smell me. He turned around on his bar stool ran over and hugged me so tightly I couldn't breath. "Bloody FREAKIN' hell," he whispered. "Does Percy know you're alive?"

So we sit and talk about what had happened. He gets quite when I tell him what Wesley did. Spike looks at me square in the eye when I tell him what happened at Christmas and how Wesley said he was hurting when I died.

"Fred...he went bloody insane." Then he got quiet and lets me finish the story. Then he told me his own story. He got his memory on his seventy-seventh birthday, which means he's had his memory for quite a few years. I asked if he had heard from Angel and he said he saw him in World War II. The pair talked and decided to meet up in LA in 2000. If Spike and he were still alive that is. When Spike turned seventy-seven, he spent a year wallowing in what he had done. (cause he just got his memory, and a soul back.) yet he dumped Drusilla the minute he turned seventy-seven. I asked him why was he seventy-seven and not 17. He said, "Well I live to be over 150. I guess it had to be." God I miss his simple logic.

* * *

May 2, 1992

Dear Journal,

Okay, I don't write in you as much as I like to, but here's the deal. I meet Spike in London when I can go. It's a long bus ride. About 2 hours. (I see him every other weekend.) I told him where to meet Wesley in the old abandoned subway. So Spike is our link. Wesley sends me some papers and notes I send him some papers and notes. Spike says he feels like a bloody puppet. And then I tell him, "At least you aren't one," and he starts laughing.

So, over all, things are actually turning out pretty good. I am no longer afraid of the dark. I no longer need Wesley to live… Oh. Oh my god! Is this what they call growing up? Well, considering technically I'm 30… But you know what I mean. So I guess it's all good. Yet something still bothers me...my dream. Is Wesley going to die?

* * *

**Authors Note: Reviewers**

**kelly:** I got a beta!

**Ellen**: I fully aware of how Doyle's age is diffrent (I just saw Bacholer Party the other day and yeh I know he is 25) but I sort of have to shift it to fit the story. But I am suprised you notices, maybe I have to get out my caculator and actually do the math now.

**Nooky:** Thanks for reviewing like every chapter! (Whip Cream LOL) Your a good friend


	10. Happy 18

**Speacail (I hope I spelt that right) Thanks to my Beta (who obviously didn't beta this message) Kiana Ravens.**

_(Even though she is so wrong because Wesley has changed more then Faith in the series)_

Love Ya JonesEule

* * *

June 10, 1992

Dear Journal,

I'm graduating today...from the Watchers Council. I am supposed to go spend my summer as an intern and if they think I'm ready, I can join the council as a full fledge member. I have to go get ready for the ceremony.

* * *

Dear Journal, 

Doyle says he'll tape it and give it to Spike who wanted to be there. Ami said she is going to the Watchers Council in Japan, and I am going to join the small branch of the Watchers Council offices in the USA. That's actually going to start this summer. So life is good, I'm good, it's all good. Ami and I are going to write every day, and I am staying away from UCLA and LA by all means necessary, at least for a while. Because I am not going through any portals.

* * *

June 13, 1992 

Dear Journal,

I cried at graduation day, and I am moved into my new dorm that the Council has provided me. Then I went to my office, and guess who was there? Wesley! We merely smiled, albeit weakly, and went on our way. So yeh. I mean, sure, there was still that extreme spark, and every time I see him I want to kiss him, and sure I still think he's hotter then a god. But hey, we were sent back for a reason. And maybe I was sent back to be with someone else. So Journal it's my eighteenth birthday. It has been a year. And I think that over the year I learned quite a few things.

1) You're only 17; once live it up.

2) Love is the strongest emotion.

3) Friendship is the second strongest.

4) Life is what you make it.

5) …and last but not least, when you go out to put boys underwear on a flag pole, make sure it's not your ex-boyfriend's underwear.

_Winifred Burkle closed her journal. It was worn from its year of use. She traced her fingers slightly upon the 'WB' embroidered on the front. It was a well made leather journal given to her by Mr. Dixie whom told her to write all her adventures and experiences in it. And she did. And from it, she learned that in that year of England she had grown up more in that year then any other year of her past or future life._

* * *

Author Notes:

**Ellen**: Spike at 77 is post Angel's soul. I think it least. I honestly don't know how old Spike is though. I know younger then 200.

* * *

Next up "A Watcher's Journal" which is what happens after Wesley graduates the council. Slightly more difficult to write because I am a girl (if you haven't noticed) so getting inside a 17 year old Wesley's head is slightly more diffcult. So you may have to wait longer for it to be posted.

Watcher Journal, I believe is the last in the series unless I get like requests. Then I might go back to Fred again. Anywho, thanks for all the reveiws guys, I had so much fun writting this.


End file.
